God Helps Me Let Go

I had been asked to give a talk on spiritual direction. This happens to be one of my favorite subjects. As both a directee and a director, I have a lot to say. I just love to witness about God’s presence in my life.
The talk was just to be a short one, about 15 minutes or so. I decided I didn’t need notes. I could just wing it. It was a casual thing, in front of a small group.
But something didn’t feel right the minute I started talking. I found myself wandering all over the place, hoping I made sense.
There were a few questions and some smiles, but I was glad when it was over. I knew I had not done the subject justice. I had not said what I wanted to say.
I felt embarrassed. I felt like I had screwed up. I had been less than perfect. And that bothered me.
I had not felt like this for a long time.
So, late at night, still feeling blue, I walked out onto the lanai to have a chat with the Lord. I was surprised to see the dark night sky filled up with gray and white clouds. There were so many of them. Most of them were small and barely touching so I could see black sky in between the clouds. It looked like a black and white quilt!
I thanked God for the beautiful scene before me. And then I closed my eyes and asked God to let me know I was OK. I asked him to let me know I hadn’t let him down.
And when I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see a beautiful full moon. It had been covered up by one of the clouds so I had not seen it before.
So, did the moon come out of hiding just for me? Or did God urge me to go out on the lanai at just the right time? Does it really matter?
All that matters is knowing that God gave me some comfort. Light in the middle of my sadness. My heart felt full.
The next morning, Sunday, I work up feeling better. I picked up the book I had chosen to read for Lent. There were no Sunday reflections in this book, but I had not yet read Saturday’s reflection. I turned to the page for Saturday and did a double take.
The subtitle of the chapter was “Letting Go of Perfection.”
Ah yes. First a gift. Then a reminder. A reminder that I do not need to be perfect in order to be worth something.
OK Lord. I got it. Message received.
Thank you.

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