My husband is sick. Spent hours in the ER today. No clear diagnosis. So he still feels terrible. And there is nothing I can do to make him feel better. I feel helpless.
So I sit here at my computer, writing. I have some deadlines coming up. Maybe I should start working on them. But I cannot think of anything else but my husband. And I cannot do anything to help him except be there for him.
I cannot think while he is sick. I cannot work while he is sick. I cannot even read. I can only write like this. Just writing my life and my thoughts and my feelings about what is going on at this present moment.
I am feeling worried. And angry that he has to keep getting these weird episodes that no one can diagnose. And impatient. I am feeling so very impatient.
And so I cry and I get angry and I yell at God because who else will still love me after I yell at them?
And I keep writing. I write about how I am feeling because it makes me feel better somehow and, who knows? I may publish this somewhere, and someday someone will read it who can totally relate to what I am feeling and they will feel better that they are not alone. No one likes feeling alone.
My husband is feeling alone. And so am I, because I cannot do a thing for him. Except tell him I love him and get him his medicine and his glass of water and make him some soup and write some crazy article and pray for answers.
And thank the Lord for putting up with me. And my yelling.
A note – My husband was eventually admitted with diverticulitis. After 24 hours of receiving antibiotics, he improved a lot. He is home now, tired but much better. And I am not yelling any more. 🙂 Thank you, Lord!